I’m obviously sick and yet there is no telling what could be wrong with me. I have no way to find out. Either I end up pregnant, stressed to the point of practically dying, or just terminally ill. In the end it’ll be bad news and there’s nothing good about it.
There’s a part of me that just screams kill me;but I wont give in. Not for my sake nor my family’s; but for him. With everything so black he is the only color I see right now and the only thing in this world which can make me smile.
I know I’m not anything special compared to your standards, but at least I excel at being who I am, doing the things I want to do, and being happy with the life I live. I don’t have to be who you want me to be, I gave up on trying so many years ago, I’m proud to be myself. Now why can’t you be proud of me?
Sometimes in life I want nothing more than to scream help! and see how many of those, that are “there for me,” will actually be there. I wonder if I screamed I just want to die, would anyone take me seriously? It amazes me how I can walk through the halls of school tears falling from my eyes and not a single person I know stops to ask whats wrong. I scares me how I can run away from someone and them not chase after me. It terrifies me how oblivious family really is to faults. And it pains me to know that all of this is true. I’m sitting in my desk next to my friends on the verge of tears, nervous, and shaking and not one of them seems to notice. Not one of them seems to understand that my life is literally falling apart around me. Everything I had worked so hard for has now fallen apart and is flying away from me. It’s as if I’m in a bubble and when people look at me they see a reflection of a happy, smart, beautiful girl with not a care in the world; but if they pop that bubble they’ll see. See that slowly I’m dying. I’m sick mentally and physically. I’m emotionally and physically drained. I’m so stressed I constantly feel like I’m going to vomit. I’m falling apart at the seams; and yet, all they see is me smiling in the end…